Artwork: As long as

Artwork: Italiano

Affirmation: evolution

Affirmation: growth

Dedicated to the discarded

I apologise to those discarded phrases

who in invoking themselves in a furious moment

were only to be crossed out, barred and abandoned

each letter was so important

yet in questioning each word

criticising each thought, I saw too

many imperfections to be fixed

like a boat with too many holes

there were simply too many plugs

and so I had to let it sink

I’m sorry for my harshness and laziness

I couldn’t save you from your creator

who couldn’t live with her imperfections.

Affirmation: kindness

The man eater

The man-eater

sucks upon the juices

savours the aroma

of bewilderment

by beauty

The game is played

to her advantage

the pressed flesh eroticism

stench evident upon

the mind of the toy

She devours

peeling away

the flesh exposing

layer upon layer

bones, organs

and finally

the heart

which she places still beating

upon the trinket-laden

charm bracelet

crowded by scattered hearts

of willing victims

she smiles.

Affirmation: knowledge and understanding

A fallen angel

The joyful angels

clearly and precisely

proclaim their destiny

a distinct path lit before them

each step enlightening the heart

my joyful angels how you make me laugh

I wish to fly in your eternal happiness

I cannot feel your love

nor share in your joyful abandon

for my joyful angels, I fear I have fallen.

Affirmation: taking up space

Coming of age

Gathering the years over time

redressing the innocence

becoming less like a child and more like death

inevitable meanderings trap and pull

into well-worn tracks

we become like everyone else

and less like ourselves

Wise beyond our years

improvisation is a circulated falsehood

a mythological ideology created from nothing

a belief I nothing creates an emptiness

this illness of life kills the presence of the soul

disjointed thoughts make you forget

remember to forget yourself

The coming of age

brings so much and very little

the laughter mocks the tears of frustration

the sobs ridicule the waves of happiness

tender is the touch which pounds the flesh

the physical slap makes things real

remember to make life real.

An exceptional procrastination

My zine, The extraordinary life of Michael Lee Aday, came about through procrastination.

In January, I had unwillingly taken on a travel writing project, even though I had promised I would never accept anything as tedious as updating a travel guide. But I accepted it because it was a good project to keep me active after a couple of years of not doing much writing-wise. I didn't mind visiting the locations, but once that part of the job was finished, I had to enter all of the data onto my employer's database, which was mind-numbingly tedious.

So after doing some intense work every day, my reward was listening to music. Every hour I gave myself a break of five to ten minutes of music to get away from the computer screen.

After hearing of Meat Loaf's death, I decided to listen to his first album, Bat Out of Hell, which I'm ashamed to admit I never knew about. Soon it became an obsession. Meat Loaf fans posted old interviews, videos and documentaries about his career, so I began watching and listening to everything possible. I discovered his impressive lifetime work.

So as I was working on my day job, I had work breaks and weekends listening, understanding and reading everything I could find about this fascinating artist. I took copious notes and compiled the ultimate Meat Loaf listening list, which I played as I typed in my data.

I discovered elements of Meat Loaf's difficult childhood, how he lost his mother when he was 19, and a violent and alcoholic father who tried to kill him. His remarkable talents as an actor and singer. His incredible force of will to follow his creative skills.

Meat Loaf said yes to everything from singing in rock bands in the early 70s to singing musicals and roles in movies and on the stage. He did everything from Shakespeare to the Rocky Horror Show. How he randomly met and befriended talented musician and songwriter Jim Steinman. And how the two went on to write one of the most popular and highest-selling albums of all time.

Then came the stream of endless rejection to get the album recorded, how nobody believed in Jim Steinman or Meat Loaf's music, which was completely different from any music of the time. It took Steinman and ML two years to write the album and another two to find a record company that was able to sign them. Then it took them months of performing to build their audience after their record company refused to publicise the album.

My Meat Loaf procrastination became a welcomed distraction and obsession. Before I knew it, I had written pages of notes, and all of the fans' old photos became the inspiration for some sketches. Then I began thinking, " Hey, maybe I can make a little zine with all this research. So I started writing a tribute to ML's extraordinary life and my reflections as a new fan.

Before I realised it, I had written 10,000 words and had made dozens of sketches inspired by Meat Loaf.

After sending in my travel guide, I began editing and compiling my tribute to Meat Loaf.

The result is this little book about this enigmatic performer, his unlikely career path and possibly the most epic journey any album has had to take to be recorded and published.

If you want to read my little zine its available on Amazon.

Keep an eye out for a give away in a few weeks time and more zines further down the track.

Searching my full name on Amazon (Rochelle Del Borrello) will give you all of my zine publications so far.

After discovering Meat Loaf I have been well and truly stuck back in the 1970s.

What are you currently obsessed with?

Wishbone

There is a wishbone stuck in your throat

it sits lodged between your vocal cords

amazingly it does not hamper your voice

in fact, it creates your voice

With every breath, you inhale desirously

ambition to replenish your want for success

The Wishbone absorbs your breath the split bones

two halves pluck you chords

not choking just your voice singing

with the expectation of ongoing expression

Such is the mysterious awe of the performance

the wish expressed through your voice.

5-second book review: Italian Life Tim Parks

Italian Life: a modern fable of loyalty and betrayal by Tim Parks

Italian Life is a brilliant book about University life in Italy. Honest and insightful about the way higher education works on the peninsula. Tim Parks is an expert in Italian literature and culture. With Italian Life, he has created an intriguing tale filled with accurate, infuriating and on-point observations.

As an ex-pat living in Italy, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at some situations this novel recounts. All I can say is it is honest without being cynical, hopeful, or naive.

A beautiful book about a convoluted, corrupt and sometimes ugly part of Italy.--

Tim Parks Italian Life: a modern fable of loyalty and betrayal is a must-read if you want to understand how the Italian education system works. Be warned; it is filled with convoluted bureaucracy, cronyism and endless political wrangling. All as flamboyant and unexpected as the Italian peninsula itself.

Books also written by Tim Parks well worth a read: Italian Neighbours, An Italian Education, A season with Verona, The Hero’s Way: walking with Garibaldi from Rome to Ravenna, Italian Ways: on and off the rails from Milan to Palermo, A literary tour of Italy.

A season of light

Do you remember the night of summer lightning?

when the seasons changed

thundering humidity clashing upon itself

to create thick droplets of rain

we sat under the umbrella stars

under the talking sky

we spoke of faith and faithlessness

as the world shifted around us

we dreamed of what could be

and took a moment with us

the restless nature of the storm

we did not worry about the future

we were happy to have our passion

the rain is cleansing the moment before winter.

Reality TV and the Kardashian's marketing trap

My dirty little pleasure has always been reality t.v. I've been obsessed ever since Big Brother burst onto the small screen in the early 2000s with its first reality tv social experiment by isolating strangers inside a house and away from the outside world.

At the time, Big Brother was a revolutionary concept. These days it's a tired and rehashed model after seeing endless versions of the same thing from BB, Survivor, The Bachelor, Jersy Shore, Love Island and many more. Today we have celebrity versions of many, which low-grade celebrities use to revive their average careers. And we now have new stars that have come out of the reality genre.

It never ceases to amaze me how people are becoming famous for nothing and building their careers from nothing other than their personality, character and brand. It seems to have been a tried and tested model for reality tv stars to start in the world of tv, build a formidable following on social media and branch out to create their products to sell.

My reality of choice used to be Jersy Shore, which saw a group of Italo Americans, each with very different personalities, all in the same house with copious amounts of alcohol and outings to nightclubs to create total utter chaos. The social experiment focused on a specific cultural group with classic stereotypes and personalities. It was all contrived; many of the participants weren't even Italian. But the result is a group of people who have become famous for socialising, getting drunk, having random sexual encounters and violent confrontations. 

The group has matured; they all have families; one went to jail for tax evasion, yet his comeback journey from alcoholism has been continued on his social media. There have been spin-offs and several reunions. The ongoing stories of these reality tv characters continue on social media today. It is a mind-boggling process. Their strong public personalities have made people fall in love with them.

For me, the attraction of reality tv is pure curiosity; at first, I wanted to see if there were people who fit the Guido stereotype in America. Then I got sucked in by the various characters and the cheesiness. Watching bad reality tv is a way of switching off from the outside world; there is no thought, no substance, just something so bad you cannot help yourself. It sucks me in without realising it, just like mindlessly scrolling through social media. Before you realise it, you've been scrolling for hours, and it's already after midnight. 

The reality tv trend of fame is continually being confirmed through other entertainment platforms beyond television. The massive audiences of top YouTubers, Instagrammers and TikTok stars are much larger than many tv networks. It is exciting to see the potential to create a career out of nothing other than an idea or a personality. 

People are currently creating stardom and wealth on their terms; the power is no longer in a studio system or TV network. Heck, you don't even need a publishing house to become a best seller or a production factory to make and sell your merchandise or fashion product. It's a fantastic time of great potential and creativity. 

Yet there is an inherent danger in this potential, too; the world of influences, pseudo-experts and false prophets setting themselves up as specialists in their field without any real education or experience makes it a lot like the wild west. There is no policing and controlling content, and there is no way to draw the line between entertainment and marketing.

The most sophisticated version of reality tv has to be the current season of the Kardashians. The new series builds upon the success of 20 seasons of Keeping up with the Kardashians, which established the family's personality, social media presence and business. A carefully crafted reality program focused on each family member's personality and perceived controversies within their personal lives are what gave them so much success.

The first season of the Kardashians seems ever more contrived and manipulative than any of the Keeping Up series; in fact, the new series focuses more on the individual family members' careers and businesses.

In the first few episodes, we've already seen Kim Kardashian's appearance on SNL, her Vogue cover, collaboration with the Balenciaga high fashion brand, how she used her influence to get a man off of death row, her road to passing her bar exam and now her Sports Illustrated cover.

There are more minor family controversies, there have been divorces and new engagements, but the focus is on good co-parenting and keeping the family growing and together. So now we see more subliminal and less subliminal advertisements for Kim, Kortney, Kloe, Kendal and Kylie's businesses. It feels less and less like reality and more and more like an extended brand deal.

I've only briefly watched Keeping up with the Kardashians as I found them too vacuous and entitled. So I started watching the Kardashians out of curiosity to see precisely how extravagant the family makes itself out to me. There is no doubt the Kardashians have more money, wealth and assets than they could ever need. The trappings of their wealth are astounding; their lifestyle is filled with extravagant mansions, designer clothes, luxury cars, private chefs, jets and diamond jewellery that they don't even take off when they bathe. They certainly enjoy their wealth and work very hard to maintain it.

The series is also carefully constructed to paint them in a serious light; family orientated, motivated, gym-going, justice-seeking, feminist businesswomen and Armenian migrant representatives. Sometimes it is all a little too contrived.

I find myself asking whether these people are so out of touch, not to realise that their desire to do fun things like grocery shopping, going to the car wash and putting gas in the car aren't only ordinary things that everyday people do. Still, these are things that many people are struggling to do right now.

Perhaps it's the socialist in me, but I think the super-wealthy should be more aware of their privilege and give back more to those less fortunate rather than keep desiring more and more. It's pretty grotesque to witness how none of the Kardashians has a social conscious other than to boost their influence and ego.

I admire what the Kardashians have built; their business has a natural skill and gift. They have created an empire. But the Kardashian's privilege has blinded them. They are so out of touch with reality that they have become little than a farce.

I don't feel like watching any more of the series for the time being, as I feel like I am being pulled into a clever marketing trap.

Unless it's too late and I have already been hypnotised. Then I might find myself mindlessly watching next week's episode without knowing how it happened.

The same blood

You can be red raw and still sing your song

You can have tears in your eyes and still tell your story.

The truth is where the tale lies

You cannot or should not wait to share it.

The emotion will help you to connect with others

Because everyone can see, 

understand and communicate

with feelings

So don’t be afraid to bleed onto the page.

We all have the same blood in our veins.