I know a bit of grief.
It's the moment you realise
you cannot go back on your steps
to make it better
or say I love you again
see someone's face every day,
hear their laugh, trace the outline of their smile,
hold their hand or hug them.
When you learn what it feels like to run out of time.
No more silent pauses in conversations
seeing them across the table,
passing the salad bowl at dinner.
All of those moments you take for granted
stop in your mind,
they are gathered up in memories
and the grieving begins.
I've learnt grief isn't bad,
it's all we have, really,
for our tears are our love
which used to go out
towards those we love.
After they are gone, it has nowhere to go,
so our unexpressed love
becomes our grief.
And as our passion is as undying,
as our mourning.
This strange sadness will never leave
not until our dying days.
It comes over us in the most unlikely moments
in the tiny flickers of memories
the flutter of butterflies
a microscopic movement is enough the overcome us.
Sometimes it's like a tap that
we need to open to let the pressure out.
But mostly, grief is a dark veil that wraps around
our hope, our happiness and faith
and covers our organs which
find they have an extra weight to carry
the resistance makes it harder to breathe
love and move forward when we don't
want to.
It may seem ironic
but I hope we never
stop grieving
because it keeps our
dearly departed near us.
Life doesn't stop
when someone dies,
it merely shifts
and changes into another
gear and somehow
we live with it.
