Endeavour

A funny thing about the heart

is that it keeps beating

even though it's broken.

 

Even if the pieces go missing

it still keeps you alive.

 

Unless it has something else wrong with it

the heartbreak won't kill you.

 

Even though you feel dead on the inside

it keeps ticking along.

 

Why? Because that's the way life is supposed to be lived

always shuffling forward.

 

Children are pushing the years onwards impatiently

willing the time to move more quickly,

youth makes us want to run

in a hurry to achieve something.

 

Other moments life make us stop

like smashing into a light pole at high speed.

 

We survive the car crashes life gives us,

 slowly re-habilitating ourselves,

because even though we are forced to stop at times

to catch our breath, we never can stop the moment.

 

It helps us this motion, keeps us putting one foot in front of the other

this gives us a future to look forward to, a past filled with memories,

a way to cope with loss, disappointment and grief.

 

We are humans who survive it all, growing through strength and love.

Passing on our intuition, drive and knowledge onto the universe

who takes us always onwards.


About grief

I know a little bit about grief.

 

It's the moment you realise

you cannot go back on your own steps

you can't make it better

or say I love you again

 see someone's face every day,

hear their laugh, trace the outline of their smile,

hold their hand or give them a hug.


When you learn what it feels like to run out of time.

 


No more silent pauses in conversations

seeing them across the table,

passing the salad bowl at dinner.

 

All of those moments you take for granted

stop in your mind,

they are gathered up in memories

and the grieving begins.

 

I've learnt grief isn't bad,

it's all we have, really,

for our tears are our love

which used to go out

towards those we love.

 

After they are gone it has nowhere to go,

so our unexpressed love

becomes our grief.

 

And as our passion is as undying,

as our mourning.

 

This will never leave

not until our dying days.

 

It may seem ironic

but I hope we never

stop grieving

because it keeps our

dearly departed near us.

 

Life doesn't stop

when someone dies,

it merely shifts

and changes into another

gear and somehow

we live with it.


The trauma of broken things

I carry my fear like a heavyweight

many kilos of fat

pushing down on my bones

making my movements slow

and wearing down my momentum.

 

I'll never allow fear to make its

home in me

I hope it moves on

I push it away.

 

A violent act forced fear into my life

like so many random accidents,

which happen when no one expects

so much bigger than any one person

forcing us to live with

the trauma of broken things.

 


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