Blew you a kiss

I blew you a kiss even though I wanted to give you a real one.

I turned around and walked away.

Heartbroken.

I wish you’d followed me.

I never wanted to hurt you, but I think I did.

I was so stupid and naive, I never saw you.

Actually I thought you didn’t like me.

It is frightening to bare your heart,

declare your feelings.

 Most people are afraid

when it comes to big feelings.

Was I really that intimidating?

Couldn’t you have said something.

Why was I so blind?

Why did I have to fuck up my life so much? 

Now we are so far from one another.

I don’t know if I can pull myself out of the hole I’ve dug.

I need to get out of this pit because no one is coming to rescue me.

And you don’t even know how much I ache for you.

I’m surely damned.

Soul mate

The truth is I am very lonely,

lost and confused.

Like most people are.

When we sat and talked

with openness and honesty

I felt lifted up by you

and so unbelievably attracted.

It wasn’t a simple physical attraction

I’ve felt that before, that little flash

of fantasy that flickers momentarily on the mind.

Or could it be just that?

You are so handsome and charming.

I have never felt so comfortable

with anyone else in my life.

Was it just me or where we

totally in sync?

Practically finishing off

each other’s sentences.

When I’m in your company

I want to tell you everything

and I want to hear everything from you.

I care so deeply, it hurts.

I don’t need you,

but I want to be always in your company.

It is never enough.

I think you are my best friend, confidant

and dare I say it …

soul mate.

A mirror to show me everything,

 awaken me from my sleep,

reveal a layer of myself back to me

and then slip away.

Connection

We only have these moments

tiny connections

to hold onto

as life slips through our fingers.