Be careful what you wish for: a reflection on fame and wealth

People say you should meet your heroes, but sometimes you could regret what you wish for.

There are many stories of people who meet their idols and turn out to be genuinely horrible.

You might want to meet them, but they won't necessarily be willing to meet you. 

The entertainment industry is filled with superficial narcissists with huge egos.

Other famous people have done terrible things to attain and keep their success. 

It always saddens me when I hear of children being neglected, abandoned or forgotten by a famous father or mother. Or even children in mitigation for years after a famous parent has passed away, over a slice of the big pie of earnings amassed during a lifetime of touring or working.

I'm sure it's rare to see successful artists without ego who take the time to connect with their fans, actively thanking them and being constantly humble about their work.

There are dozens of examples of famous people having difficulties with their families and those arguing over money and inheritance.

Legendary 1950's comedic actor and director Jerry Lewis was an egomaniac who left behind a stream of endless horribleness. Despite giving money to charities and developing the modern concept of the Telethon to raise funds for worthy causes, he was generally a terrible man to work and live with. He basically disowned his six adult children and first wife, leaving everything to his second wife and adopted daughter. He also had an illegitimate daughter whom he never really acknowledged and who basically died elderly and homeless for most of her life.

Back in my student journalist days, I was able to get a chance to meet Sir Peter Ustinov, who was one of my favourite old-school classic Hollywood character actors from the golden age of cinema. He turned out to be rather charming and open to meeting a couple of clueless and surprised students. We ended up having a lovely conversation with the elderly performer, who was filled with advice and time for the younger generation.

Years after his death in 2004, I was saddened to hear how Sir Peter's six surviving children were in mitigation for years over the estate of the late actor and writer. Sadly most of Sir Peter's trusts which also contained the rights and royalties to everything he wrote and filmed, are not available to the family. Legal fees are eating away at his fortune, and stringent rules regulating the trusts established in Liechtenstein and Switzerland keep everything away from his surviving family.

More recently, in 2017, when one of my favourite American singer-songwriters, Tom Petty passed away suddenly, I was doubly saddened as his daughters from his first wife and current wife immediately plunged into mitigation over his estate. Thank goodness, after several months in court, they were able to reach an agreement.

Being famous doesn't make you immune to human problems like greed, misunderstandings and poor family relations.

Another famous example that comes to mind was from Roy Orbison's life; he had to endure terrible tragedies like the death of his first wife in a motorcycle accident and the death of his two eldest sons in a house fire when he was away on tour. Orbison was a workaholic and focused his energy on performing, writing and recording songs which led him to neglect his surviving son, whom he left to be raised by his grandparents. Even when he later remarried and had another two sons, he practically forgot his first surviving son. While focusing on his big career comeback in the early 90-s, he abandoned his teenage sons, travelling with his wife to LA to work on new projects and collaborations. Later he reconciled with his oldest son before his sudden fatal heart attack, but he never really repaired or addressed the emotional damage caused by the separation. Today, Roy Orbison's sons proudly keep their father's legacy alive and collaborate to promote the Orbison name.

There are so many tales of estranged and abandoned children or the rich and famous, which begs the question, is it all worth it?

It's interesting to reflect on the nature of fame and fortune, whether you need to be pigheaded, arrogant and generally a lousy individual to attain success. Or is it better to be less rich and famous and focus on being a good person while nurturing your family.

What would you choose to do?

Nothing goes to waste

Everything serves a purpose

ain’t anything going to waste.

A tear is love which doesn’t know

where to go, it had to come out

or else you would drown.

A beating heart, filled with unrequited regret

is your big soul expressing itself

remember we are made of light

and its got to shine

whether you want it or not

we can’t resist all of this love

sometimes it hurts, we ache for it

we cry for it, it won’t be denied.

None of it is wasted because it is

where we come from

and from whence

we return.

Why I Friggin love Jack White

Jack White: Love Interruption from Blunderbuss (2012)

I've been a fan of Jack White ever since he formed the White Stripes with his former wife Meg White in the legendary early 200s alternative garage band duo.

Jack White is one of the most talented songwriters, guitarists, and multi-instrumentalists. His career has been about tireless creativity, innovation and collaboration. Apart from his success with the White Stripes, he founded the Raconteurs and the Dead Weather, who were equally fantastic rock bands. 

Like most excellent musicians, White is also a great collaborator; he has worked with many other artists, including Loretta Lynn, Bob Dylan, and Alicia Keys.

White's love of music, particularly vinyl records, led him to establish his own record company. Third Man Records releases White's music and new artists and re-releases classic artists on vinyl.

Apart from being one of the most incredible people on the planet, his live performances are phenomenal. White has an extensive collection of guitars and other instruments and loves collecting vintage items that usually connect to famous early blues artists. He is an advocate for analogue technology and recording techniques.

Jack White has an encyclopedic knowledge of blues music and the American songbook; he also can identify any Beatles song within the first few seconds of listening.

He's one of my all-time favourite artists and one of the people I most wish to see live in concert as he's such an excellent guitar player and performer who is constantly innovating.

While I always enjoy Jack White's music, the album that made me fall hopelessly in love with him as a solo artist was his first solo effort, Blunderbuss (2012).

For me, the song Love Interruption is the perfect blues love song. It shows off Jack White's old blues-soaked soul, his clever and witty lyrical talents, and showcases the best of his abilities.

Love Interruption has been a solid part of my playlist for the last decade, and it never gets old. The concept that love is about a deep pseudo masochistic painful addiction and suffering is a concept expressed by many great poets over the centuries.

To hear Jack White exorcize, even relishing his heartbreak and suffering through song, is nothing but pure blues. It's good for the soul.

Here's a poem inspired by Jack White's song Three Women from his 2014 album Lazaretto.

I took the concept of White's song talking about women and turned it upside down to write about three men.

Three Men

(inspired by Jack White)

I have three men tall, dark and handsome

they come to me when I please and always come back for more

I'm the kind of gal who has an appetite

It's not satisfying, so it's either three of the whorehouse for me.

I've got to have a man blow away these blues and quench this dry throat.

My tall man's flexible and lean

he bends himself to please me

he knows how to pluck and play and lick

and well, there's no need to mention

about the length of his prick

My dark Italian stallion

well, he's all poetry and passion

he knows when to talk and when to howl

speaks many tongues, knows endless tricks

my playboy is a ball

and cunnilinguses with the best

My handsome one's got ripping muscles

he blushes when he's at his best

a little shyer than the rest

he keeps his clothes on until I'm ready

I rip them off

but he always leaves his socks

You might say, what right do I have?

No reason to have three lovers

but whatever I do is doing no harm

must be doing something right cos

they come to visit every night.

My three men are keeping me satisfied

more satisfied than my tiny, pale, lard arse

ex-husband ever did.

So excuse me if I offend

I'll be over here making up for the lost time

I got an itch to scratch

When I call on my dream men to

Get me over this hump

I got my mojo back after a slump

Girl power and all that

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy lord ah yeah.

I’ve put together a playlist over on Spotify of some of my favourite Jack White songs, together with some of those mentioned in this post. Click on it to have a little listen.

Friendzone

I don't need anyone,

I have myself,

the love I have in my heart is enough,

strength comes as it is required.

I can't stop thinking of you.

I want more of you in my life.

I miss your energy,

I don't need you but

I love you.

Our connection is so special

you hold a mirror up to me

we are two parts of the same whole.

You have always seemed beyond my reach,

too many people love you already.

You've had too many sexy girlfriends

to ever want me.

I don't think you have ever seen me in

any other way than as a friend.

So before I make a fool of myself

I'm going to stop fantasising about you.

I'm simply going to be overly excited

to see you when we reunite,

give you an extra long hug

and tell you how much I love you

and miss you

because that's the truth.

5-second book review: Don Miguel Ruiz

5-second book review: The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This fascinating book about spirituality and philosophy is based on the knowledge handed down by the Toltecs, an ancient southern Mexican nation dedicated to conserving their ancestral wisdom.

The Toltec is not a religion; instead, it honours specific universal truths that certain spiritual masters have taught and passed on to future generations.

The four agreements describe a rule that encapsulates a way of life that encourages happiness and love.

This simple and down to earth look written by Don Miguel Ruiz is an oral history which encourages a life of authenticity with a frank acknowledgement of human spirituality while not being clouded by the distractions of complex modern life.

This is the kind of book you should use as a reference to reread, meditate upon and follow when you feel overwhelmed and lost in life. It pulls you back from distractions and helps you keep yourself centred if you are distracted.

The four agreements help you realise how much noise and distraction there is in the exterior world. It addresses significant issues like human perception, life purpose and death. The four agreements are designed to help us navigate the perils of life; it's an essential guide on how to lead a more simple, authentic and happy life.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Not only in the sense of not breaking promises but also about being aware of the power of words and how they can affect you and those around you. Your utterings contain energy and the correct use of your focus which should be in the direction of truth and love.

The second agreement is not to take anything personally. Taking things too personally is an expression of ego. The way people act and what they say is never about you. There is always another reason behind what people do, and it has nothing to do with us, so don't set yourself up for suffering.

The third agreement is not to make any assumptions. Communication is essential; we should never assume something. If you don't understand, ask. Have the courage to ask and find your voice to ask for what you want.

The fourth agreement is always to do your best. Your best will vary depending on your energy level or stage in life. But the most important thing is to be taking action. Don't expect to be rewarded; instead, take action because you love and enjoy every activity you do. When you do your best, you learn to accept yourself and learn from your mistakes.

Apart from these four agreements or steps to follow in life, Don Miguel Ruiz also gives us many practical examples and methods to help us stay on this enlightened path.

It seems to be an oversimplified kind of spirituality, but these four agreements can take a lifetime to understand and master.

Ruiz has dedicated his life to sharing his unique blend of ancient wisdom and modern-day awareness through his book, which is a reference we should keep close to us as a helping hand through life.

A bit of grief

I know a bit of grief.

 It's the moment you realise

you cannot go back on your steps

to make it better

or say I love you again

 see someone's face every day,

hear their laugh, trace the outline of their smile,

hold their hand or hug them.

When you learn what it feels like to run out of time.

No more silent pauses in conversations

seeing them across the table,

passing the salad bowl at dinner.

All of those moments you take for granted

stop in your mind,

they are gathered up in memories

and the grieving begins.

I've learnt grief isn't bad,

it's all we have, really,

for our tears are our love

which used to go out

towards those we love.

After they are gone, it has nowhere to go,

so our unexpressed love

becomes our grief.

And as our passion is as undying,

as our mourning.

This strange sadness will never leave

not until our dying days.

It comes over us in the most unlikely moments

in the tiny flickers of memories

the flutter of butterflies

a microscopic movement is enough the overcome us.

Sometimes it's like a tap that

we need to open to let the pressure out.

But mostly, grief is a dark veil that wraps around

our hope, our happiness and faith

and covers our organs which 

find they have an extra weight to carry

the resistance makes it harder to breathe

love and move forward when we don't

want to.

It may seem ironic

but I hope we never

stop grieving

because it keeps our

dearly departed near us.

Life doesn't stop

when someone dies,

it merely shifts

and changes into another

gear and somehow

we live with it.

The power of using your own life as inspiration

I've recently watched two fascinating programs inspired by the lives of two well-known comedians in a fascinating blend of semi-autobiographical drams, which were both great viewing experiences.

The first was Pete Davidson's stand-alone feature film, the King of Stanton Island. I've been a fan of Davidson after following his stand up routines and characters on SNL. He has always used his life in his comedy, including his struggle with mental health, Crohn's disease, drug use and losing his father in the September 11 World Trade Centre terrorist attack in 2001.

Director Judd Apatow, SNL writer David Sirus and Pete Davidson came together to pen the King of Staten Island script, which to some elements of Davidson's private life, to create a wonderfully complex mixture of comedy and drama, which is both entertaining and poignant.

The plot focuses on the life of Scott Carlin, a twenty-four-year-old high school dropout who lives with his mother and sister on Staten Island. Scott has never really gotten over the trauma of the death of his firefighter father in a hotel fire when he was seven. Scott also deals with ADHD and Chrones. He deals with his traumas by smoking marijuana and hanging out with his friends. Scott dreams of being a tattoo artist and practices his designs on his friends, but he never really works seriously on anything.

Through a series of coincidences, Scott introduces his mother, Margie, to Ray, a firefighter who starts a relationship with her. As the two begin seeing one another, Scott's comfortable existence is disturbed, and he is forced to address the problems in his life.

Without revealing too much of the complex plot, Scott gradually comes to terms with the trauma holding him back, and the movie ends on an encouraging and hopeful note. Even though Scott is flawed, his complex and realistic journey makes his character feel like a natural person. Davidson is a likeable and endearing character actor who has created a stunning performance.

The King of Staten Island is an incredibly unique and individual story to which Davidson lent many personal elements. This balance between autobiography and fiction has created something genuine yet dramatic, which reflects all of the complexities of an authentic life.

The second semi-autobiographical creation is Amy Schumer's comedy-drama series Life & Beth, whose first season is available on Disney plus. While being a little less dramatic than the King of Staten Island, Life & Beth doesn't shy away from sharing personal elements from Schumer's childhood.

The first two episodes were a little slow, a bit stilted and contrived, but as you get to know the main character of Beth and the vivid personalities of those around her, you are slowly drawn into the story.

Schumer's series is very character-driven and structured like Schumer's standup comedy narrative, filled with well-defined punchlines and character projection. Schumer herself says she drew inspiration from her childhood and took liberties with her characters.

Amy Schumer developed the show while pregnant with her son, after skimming through her old journals and revisiting some childhood memories. The main character Beth is forced to re-examine her life and address some deep childhood trauma after the sudden death of her mother.

Even though Schumer's mother is still very much alive, she was able to address more significant issues like sexuality, bullying, divorce, adolescence, family and personal relationships and trauma through the character journey of Beth.

Life & Beth is set to return for a second season, and it's going to be fascinating to see which direction Schumer will take Beth in.

Nothing to know about grief

The thing about losing something

is that there is nothing to know.

It's an emotion that takes hold of you

pushes you around like a bully that doesn't let up.

You put up with it, let it bleed you dry,

cry yourself to sleep until it loses its strength.

And then you can push it under you, into your heart

Occasionally it will bubble up, making you vomit emotions.

Eventually, it will become a part of you

reminding you how capable you are of love

and how love never really leaves you.

Why I frigging love: The big O

Roy Orbison: One of the lonley ones / Hound dog man

I became a fan of Roy Orbison as a teenager in the early '90s when his last album was released after he passed away suddenly. I then made my way back through his music, and now I have the Big O always firmly in my music-loving heart.

Listening to Roy Orbison is like recalling a memory of my childhood. Okay, so it's a strange memory of a man dressed in black and singing about heartbreak, but that's the kind of kid I was. 

If I had to choose between Roy and his pretty-boy contemporary Elvis Presley, I'd take Roy any day. I have a thing for the vintage sound of early Rock 'n' roll, and I think Roy Orbison created his distinct version of it.

I first heard Roy Orbison when his final album came out in 1988, warbling out You Got it. I fell for his ephemeral voice and slowly worked my way backwards through the catalogue of one of the founders of mainstream American Rock and Roll.

Unfortunately, Orbison had a massive heart attack and died the same year his new Mystery Girl album came out, just as it was set to become an enormous success.

Bless his soul; he had one hell of a voice tinged with darkness and tragedy (losing his first wife in a motorcycle accident and later his two eldest sons in a house fire while he was away on tour). His songwriting was all about honesty and emotion without any sentimentality.

In short, I loved Roy to death. He spoke to me as an artist; he could also tell a great story and be famous without losing himself.

The tall slim, and rather pale Texan didn't fit into the usual Rock star mould. He was painfully shy, soft-spoken, with terrible eyesight. He was mercilessly teased in high school for his plain looks, thick-lensed glasses and shyness. But he knew he could sing, and as soon as he could get his hands on a guitar, he learnt how to play and quickly began to write songs. 

As a young child, Orbison would take his guitar and play outside the local grocery store in his tiny Texan country hometown of Wink. The town was so small, Orbison quipped; if you 'winked', you'd miss it. 

People soon noticed his big sweet tenor voice, and he began to front and play in several local bands. He formed his own band in high school, which played in nearby towns. His obsession with music, guitar playing and songwriting sealed his fate for a lifetime career as a musician.

Roy Orbison was always a strange fit in the music industry; his love of the ballad made him stand out in the catchy pop ditty, creating hits of the 50s and 60s. 

Orbison was always painfully shy while performing; he never talked to the audience. He never moved a muscle or danced during his performances, and he even barely opened his mouth to sing. Yet when he did sing, he revealed one of the best voices ever heard in rock and roll, a powerful tenor voice with an impressive three-octave range and a glass-shattering falsetto.

The incredible thing is that he never really looked after his voice; there are many videos of him smoking and drinking coca-cola in the recording studio. Smoking and caffeine were something I'm sure also didn't help him with his heart problems either.

Despite his incredible talent, Roy always suffered from terrible stage fright. While on tour with the Beatles in 1963, he forgot his regular glasses on the plane and was forced to wear his prescription tinted glasses on stage. He discovered he prefered them, so he developed a sunglass-wearing, dark and brooding stage image, which helped him hide and perform more comfortably.

Roy Orbison's songbook comprises the most extensive songs about heartbreak, loneliness, dark emotions, paranoia, regret, despair, dreams and nightmares. He was the first man to sing openly about his feelings and fears. Some of his most loved songs include heartbreaking epics like Only the lonely, Crying, In dreams and Running Scared. His song Pretty Woman is one of the most loved and recognised tunes ever written. He turned his love Lorne persona into the guy who gets the girl at the end, unleashing sexy, sensual energy, which wins over his pretty woman.

The origins of Orbison's music are firmly in his country music roots. Growing up listening to Hank Williams and other artists from the Grand Old Opry, the influence of the country genre is evident.

Orbison's career spanned five decades, starting as a professional performer in the 1950s and releasing 22 studio albums from the 1960s to the early 90s.

Despite tremendous heartbreak and tragedy in his life, he never really stopped writing music, recording records and touring.

Roy Orbison married his high school sweetheart Claudette Frady in 1957; they had three boys Anthony King, Roy Dewayne and Wesley.

Claudette was killed in a tragic motorcycle accident, leaving Roy alone to bring up his three boys.

While on tour in the UK in 1968, he received the news that his home in Hendersonville, Tennessee, had burned down and his two eldest sons had died.

Orbison later remarried a German teenager Barbara Jakobs in 1969 and had two more sons, Alex and Roy Jr. From his first wife, his youngest son, Wesley, was raised by Orbison's parents.

After these tragedies, Roy Orbison's career took a turn for the worst, as his style of music became deeply unpopular. After a terrible attempt at starting a film career in his corny Western The Fastest Guitar Alive, which was a bow office flop and an unsuccessful Hank Williams cover album, he became lost and directionless.

Orbison continued to record albums, despite the lack of any real major success. His fan base in the UK, Europe and Australia was very loyal, so he tirelessly toured and performed even in smaller venues. He still performed his now-classic favourites to the delight of audiences, and he never really lost his voice, which never abandoned him.

In 1977 he had major heart surgery, a triple bypass which was a significant operation to unblock severely obstructed arteries. He suffered from ulcers since 1960 and had been a heavy smoker since adolescence.

In the 80s, his music was rediscovered by a new generation of listeners, helped by other artists who covered his songs, and the use of his music in movies like Roadie, the Dukes of Hazzard and the feature film Blue Velvet.

One of the events that relaunched his career was his big comeback concert in 1988. Roy Orbison and friends: a black and white night included a wonderfully brilliant selection of Oribison's admirers and friends who came together in a one-off concert performance to celebrate the legendary Texan with the biggest voice and magical songwriting talent. 

The concert lineup included: Elvis Costello, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits, T Bone Burnett, Jennifer Warnes, K.D Lang and Bonnie Raitt. It was an excellent star-studded concert with its performers, and there were many famous people in the audience.

Roy Orbison was also a great collaborator throughout his career, which kept his work evergreen and constantly renewed. He allowed his songs to be covered by new artists, and he also recorded with different artists. He recorded a now-historic album, Class of 55, with other American Rock and roll legends, including Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Johnny Cash.

Orbison also recorded songs with the Bee Gees and, simultaneously with his last album, performed with other music greats Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne and George Harrison, who formed the now legendary super band the Travelling Wilburys.

His final album, Mystery Girl, was produced by ELO's frontman Jeff Lynne and included songs written by Lynne, Elvis Costello, Bono and Tom Petty.

Choosing my favourite songs from Roy Orbison's long catalogue isn't easy. I love most of them as each album reflected Orbison's experiments and particular style through the decades. No one can ignore the early rockabilly sounds of his 1950s classic Rock House. Or his big hits of the 60s at the height of his early fame, from Crying to in Dreams. I also enjoyed his mostly ignored 1970s experimental album Laminar Flow. Orbison prided himself on being a rebel, and he always followed whatever he wanted to explore or express, as most great artists do. 

Orbison had a natural gift as a storyteller. Many of his songs reflect this ability to construct a narrative from pieces like Blue Bayou, Working for the man, Running scared, Leah, Uptown and the now politically incorrect Indian Wedding. There was real potential for Roy Orbison to write musicals. Who knows what his career would have taken him if only he had survived his final heart attack. He was only 52 when he died.

Out of all of Orbison's songs, there are two in particular that I wanted to highlight. It's a challenge to limit myself to only two as he has written some of the best love songs in existence, but the emotions and context of these two songs have made them stand out more for me, and so they are a part of my current Orbison playlist.

One of the lonely ones is the title track from one of the saddest albums ever written. Roy Orbison recorded this album in his darkest period after he had lost his first wife and two children. Recorded in 1969, the album was never released as it was simply too melancholy. But this song is an ode to grief and is a deep psychological exploration of the nature of depression. It's the most depressing thing you will ever hear, but it expresses the beauty of even the darkest moments anyone can experience, like any great poetry.

Also, Orbison's song Hound dog man is a bittersweet dedication to his friend Elvis Presley. It explores Orbison's memories of his friend, who he toured with in his early career. Hound Dogman references Elvis's early hit You ain't nothing but a hound dog. The song reflects the transitory nature of time and laments the passing of what Orbison saw as a golden age of music and culture. It's a beautiful tribute to the king of Rock and Roll and a reminder to appreciate life.

Orbison left behind so much music to listen to; there are endless anthologies of his music, filled with covers of most of the great American songbook classics, lovingly remastered and rearranged. There are Orbison albums dedicated to the songs of Don Gibson and Hank Williams. He sang everything from Gospel to Country, Rock, Pop and even tried his hand out briefly at glam rock in the 1970s. He has recorded stunningly original and beautiful renditions of songs from the likes of Sweet Caroline to the Everly brother's unchained melody and classics like Danny Boy.

Roy Orbison's surviving family, namely his three sons Wesly, Roy Jr and Alex, have done their best to keep their father's legacy alive. Roy's boys released many new albums after their father's death. Including the King of Hearts, which had been recorded as a follow up to Mystery Girl. The definitive collection of his most popular singles in the singles collection 1965 to 1973 and several of his live performances, including his last concert only a few days before his death. 

In 2017 and 2018, Roy Orbison's voice was remastered and combined with new arrangements by the Royal Philarmonic Orchestra to record the compilation albums A Love so Beautiful and Unchained Melodies. A love so beautiful peaked at number 2 on the UK charts becoming Orbison's highest-charting album in almost 30 years, and went Platinum.

In Dreams: Roy Orbison, in concert, was also one of the first-ever Hologram tours to be launched in 2018.

Thanks to Roy Orbison's tireless work ethic, his family is still working through his immense back catalogue and is still discovering old demos and unreleased songs that will undoubtedly provide us with more surprises in the future.

I’ve put together a playlist over on Spotify of some of my favourite Roy Orbison songs, together with some of those mentioned in this post. Click on to have a little listen.

Roy Orbison’s greatest hits and so much more.

Beyond Myself

Oh artist, please paint me

I'm desperate to be immortalised

not because I want to be remembered

I'm happy to be forgotten

but because I want to leap out of the page

through my own words

into another's heart

to connect.

To gaze into another's soul.

Through a time beyond myself.

5 second book review: Venus in Furs

Venus in Furs by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch

Erotic literature has been around for a long time; way before E.L James's Fifty Shades of Grey, writers have always expressed their sexuality through writing.

This genre has been around forever. Penguin classics has a top ten list of erotic reads.

So one day, when I didn't have anything in particular to read, I picked one randomly and downloaded it. Thanks to the Project Gutenberg web page, I dipped into the kinky world of erotic fetishism, even though there are probably many other things online for those looking. But Venus in Furs is considered a classic.

The image conjured by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch was too sumptuous to resist.

According to the book's introduction: 

'Leopold Von Sacher Mosoch's work suffers from the fault of being highly dramatic; the work is filled with swift narration, graphic representation of character, scenes and rich humour. Venus in Furs is the confession of a wretched man who could not master his tragedy of existence and takes us into the dark places that lie latent in all of us.'

Despite the threat of melodrama, I persisted.

Venus in Furs seems relatively tame nowadays as we post; postmoderns have seen everything and continue to be updated online. Venus is the confession of man's particular sexual adventure written in a hyperbolic Romantic way. The personal diary of Severin is a deep dark fantasy and obsession with a strong woman, violent episodes of mythology, whips, fur, slavery, cruelty and bondage.

Severin is emotionally and spiritually devoured by a strong, whimsical and manipulative older woman who takes advantage of his deeply rooted fetishes.

It is all a little silly but fun; the game that Severin and Wanda's play is filled with wonderfully romantic descriptions and banter. Even if, at times, Severin seems too pathetic for words, it is enjoyable in a sadomasochistic kind of way. I was curious to see how low our poor hero would go and how extreme his Venus in Furs would get. 

This book was scandalous and banned at its time of publication in 1870. But today, it is a real treat, easy to read, filled with humor and playfulness. It was a quick read, a great way to pass away time on a lazy afternoon. It didn't stimulate anything in my sex life, but then I don't have a thing for bondage; I haven't suffered a repressed childhood like our poor man Severin. 

Five Second book review: John Williams

Stoner by John Williams

I received this book as a gift, and I am so glad I did because this may be the best novel I have read in years.

William's novel Stoner shows us the beauty, drama, passion, frustration, disappointments and fleeting happiness of ordinary life. This novel traces a complete life with its complexities and emotions in a beautiful arch of character development.

The protagonist, Stoner, has been seen as somewhat of a loser in life, the son of a poor farmer sent to get a university to better himself. He falls in love with the world of literature and abandons the farm and his parents to pursue an academic career.

Within the small world that Stoner inhabits in his life at the University of Missouri, we experience life's different seasons and experiences. While commenting on the insular nature of academic institutions, Stoner's experiences also reflect on various broader issues such as the nature of war, friendship, love, sex, family, disappointment, intergenerational changes and mortality.

In the internal monologue of Professor Stoner's life, we see a complete, fully developed human soul living his life out for us on every page. It's genuinely astounding to inhabit Stoner's mind and listen to his internal voice, which ultimately shows us how complex, challenging, and beautiful even a limited, non-eventful life can be.

John William's prose is exquisite, perfectly disciplined, and filled with erudite description and observation.

Rather than being a ''loser,'' I'd see the character of Stoner as an ancient Stois who dedicated his short life to his first and only true love of learning. His intellectual awakening shapes his life and allows him to observe the world and his own life with surprising clarity of understanding and wisdom.

Stoner overcomes so many frustrations, disappointments, and chagrin in his own life that he reminds us that life is a thing of beauty despite all of the difficulties we face. With the help of his intellectual analysis and reflections, Stoner witnesses the beauty of a life lived with honesty which is what makes even a short and uneventful life worth living.

In the small world of the book, John Williams can create a powerful testament to the nature of a human life, which rewards everyone with a complete spectrum of experiences, emotions and worthwhile memories. In the microcosm of Stoner's life, we see a universal message that energy is never wasted and is an absolute thing of beauty.

Why I frigging love Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf/ Jim Steinmen I'm gonna love her for Both of Us from the album Dead Ringer for love.

Since I heard the news of the death of Meat Loaf on the 20th of January 2022, I felt compelled to go back and listen to his music after realising his performing career spanned an astounding six decades. Now it's months later, I'm still in a Meat Loaf rabbit hole, and I refuse to come out of it. 

I've been obsessively listening to all possible interviews, t.v appearances, and performances from the '70s to the '90s. I'm still working my way through ML's collaborative and solo albums, including one of the most popular albums of all time. 

I've had his music constantly playing either in the background or on my headphones to the point I hear his songs ringing in my ears during the night as I sleep. I had to stop listening to Meat Loaf before going to bed as he simply wouldn't let me sleep. I'd have his voice echoing through my head all night, revving me up and keeping me rocking all through the night.

I listened to his very first theatre work with Jim Steinman and was blown away by the power of his early voice, which was truly epic. I have found fantastic stripped back versions of his songs that show every syllable of Meat Loaf's emotion and expression. 

I have watched all of the interviews I can find on Youtube, from crazy interviews on quirky German t.v in the '80s to interviews on stuffy British t.v talk shows. I even watched his exquisitely cringy but strangely good early movies, Dead Ringer and Roadie. And I have loved it all. 

I even found and listened to the very first album he recorded for Motown in 1971, duetting with female vocalist Shaun Murphy. It was such a fun album that showed off the talents of two beautifully talented singers who had been working together singing in the musical Hair. I'm happy to hear the Stoney and Meat Loaf collaboration is set to be re-released later on in 2022 in commemoration of ML.

I have listened to all of the songs he recorded with 1970s American psychedelic guitar rock legend Ted Nugent which were all so blissfully rock it hurts to listen to and makes you wish for the '70s rock to make a comeback. I have to admit I even love his 1980s records. All of his work has his personality written all over it, and if you are a fan, you will always hear it and love it.

I have officially become a Meathead. It's a shame I was so late to the party. It took his death to realise how many things of value he created. I'm afraid this is the same old story for me; this has happened to me before. I became a fan of Roy Orbison as a teenager in the late 80s when he released his last album and passed away from a massive heart attack. I then made my way back through his music, and now I have the big O always firmly in my music-loving heart.

I've been doing the same thing with Meat Loaf; I continue to read endless articles about his life, significant biographies, and autobiography. I have gradually unearthed an artist of exceptional versatility, scope, determination and work ethic. 

Perhaps the most valuable lesson Meat Loaf leaves behind for most other creatives is the ability he had to push through his limitations and fears. He was a typical creative filled with self-doubt and anxiety that comes with the gift of creativity. Even though he was terrified, he still would show up, do the work, try to improve himself and make the most of the present. The result is a lifetime of performances that have made Meat Loaf one of the most loved actors, singers, and celebrities.

I was born in 1977 when Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman's collaborative album A bat out of hell came out and became one of the highest-selling albums of all time. So I was blissfully unaware of his early music.

Bat Out of Hell is the most incredible album of seven songs with seven different stories, some five minutes long and others up to ten minutes, which seemed impossibly long for the 1970's popular audience. In a period when any commercial rock or pop song was two and a half to three minutes long and followed the standard hook, verse, chorus, verse, hook formula, it seemed inconceivable that this kind of music would find its audience.

I cannot help but imagine what if Jim and Meat met up today to write and publish their music together. I can see them writing and recording, and if they didn't get picked up by a record company, they would have taken the same route as Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendes or Billie Eilish and now countless others. 

The songs would have been loved and discovered just the same by uploading and performing online, together with live performances around the US.

Perhaps we would have more recordings from this early period of the Jim Steinman, Michael Aday (Meat Loaf) collaboration, with less pressure to make a record deal; they would have had more time to write and record. Perhaps Bat One could have been a double record after breaking all streaming records. 

Those seven songs today feel like so little. Listening to them on a daily repeat has left me thirsty to hear more from the world created by Steinman and Aday. Their world was based very much on male fantasy, lots of beautiful women, damsels in distress, men with faded levis bursting apart with desire, revving motorbikes and young adolescent boys who are all revved up with nowhere to go. 

Steinman's imagination was a weird place, yet it all fitted perfectly into his fascination with the mythology of Peter Pan, a story he had been in love with since childhood.

Meat Loaf's talent as an actor, raccounter, singer and storyteller gave him an ability to connect to his audience. His fans fell in love with him and would happily listen to him sing a shopping list, as long as he put in the same amount of feeling and emotion as he did with his other songs. His performance of Jimmy Steinman’s songs were what made them all so successful.

The two collaborators went through a long and almost hellish road to get their first album published, no one understood their music and the two definitely didn’t fit the image of rockstars.

Any Meat Loaf/ Steinman song is pretty magical; the magic still happens whenever they collaborate. My current favourite (and they change every day according to my mood) has to be from what became Meat's eventual follow up to Bat Out of Hell, Dead Ringer, a diverse and fun album that included a catchy duet with Cher.

The melodrama is still very much at the centre of Dead Ringer, as Steinman's songs are at its heart. From an album version of that first song from their first collaboration, more than you deserve to the top, I'll kill you if you don't come bag and the big-hearted heartbreak of read 'em and weep. Almost nihilistic end of the world desperation of everything is permitted.

But the big melodramatic Bat Out of Hell type of rock opera song has to be I'm gonna love her for Both of Us which is undeniably from the same universe that Steinman created on the first album. The song is a beautiful mix of passion, outrage, shocking details and bizarre combinations of extremes that only could come from the contorted Steinman imagination. 

The plot of this song is a kind of warped love triangle. Meat Loaf addresses his best friend, a man he considered to be like his brother. He is shocked at how his friend is treating his girlfriend, stabbing her in the back and treating her terribly. Outraged by how his friend treats the girl, he steps in to defend her. Then the suggestion is that she has asked Meat to help her. 

So in comes Meat Loaf, like a knight in shining armour, to rescue the girl from an abusive relationship. The girl who has been singing to him like a siren on the waves has awakened Meat's passion. ML berates his friend's behaviour of putting out the girl's light and locking her inside a deep dark prison. He can't stand it, and he's obliged to take her away from his friend and promises he will have her burning with desire by the night's end. To restore her to her original state, like a jewel in the crown. 

I'm gonna love her for Both of Us is pure Steinman gold, his unique blend of romanticism, big broad brushstrokes of melodrama and clever little twists. It's all corny and over the top, but it works.

Yes, Meat is setting himself up as the hero saving a girl who is suffering, but what it boils down to is he is stealing his best friend's girl, no matter how noble his intentions may be.

Steinman had so much mischievous fun with his music; he would take something like a ballad or a love song and turn it around into something unexpected. What does he exactly mean when he says he will love her for the both of us? Is there a menage a trois involved?

Both lyrically and musically, Steinman had a gift of melding together different elements to create his musical form. He would take bits and pieces of his favourite musical influences and combine them to create a new sound. Steinman's music quotes influences from elements as diverse as Wagner, 1950s Country music, Johnny Cash, Boogie Woogie, classic American Rock and Roll like Elvis, Phil Spector, The Beach Boys, and Led Zeppelin, amongst others.

Steinman mixed the most unexpected extreme elements, from chivalry to stealing someone else's girlfriend, conflicting concepts that undermined the story's intention—turning things on their heads and putting a twist or punch line. And he did it all purely for his amusement and caprice. After more than forty years since Bat Out of Hell was released, Steinman is still laughing and winking at us, wondering if we will get the joke.

I’ve put together a playlist over on Spotify of some of my favourite Meat Loaf songs, together with some of those mentioned in this post. Click on to have a little listen.

A playlist of my fave Meat Loaf songs

Why I frigging love Elvis Costello

I've been a fan of Elvis Costello for what seems like forever.

I discovered him when he appeared with Roy Orbison in his big comeback concert in the early 90s titled Roy Orbison and friends: a black and white night.

The performance included a wonderfully brilliant selection of Oribison's demanding fast admirers and friends who came together in a one-off concert performance to celebrate the legendary Texan with the biggest voice and magical songwriting talent. 

I want to track down a recording or DVD of the performance because it had the most fantastic lineup with Elvis Costello, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits, T Bone Burnett, Jennifer Warnes, K.D Lang and Bonnie Raitt.

I sadly gave away my old video cassette when I cleared out all of my stuff in my old family home after my mother downsized and sold her house a few years ago. But I recall it was an excellent star-studded concert both with its performers and there were a lot of famous people in the audience.

Anyway, Elvis Costello, whose real name is Declan McManus, is an English singer, songwriter and producer. He began his career as part of London's pub rock scene in the early 1970s. His debut album, My aim is true, released in 1977, was critically acclaimed. His first three albums are included in Rolling Stone's list of 500 greatest albums.

His father was also a singer, so he grew up with the most varied and amazing soundtrack, from attending his father's concerts to listening to everything from Elvis and Dylan to popular music from the 40s, 50s and 60s. His music is influenced by varied genres and sounds, from American to English pop, rock and country.

Elvis Costello's autobiography Unfaithful music and disappearing ink charts his detailed journey through his music tastes, influences and heroes. I recommend you read his book as it is a fascinating journey through a lifetime of work in the music industry. I found it a little hard going as I am not a musician, and at times I felt as if he was dropping a lot of big names just for the sake of dropping them.

Anyone who has been working in the music industry for so long would have to be connected to some big names. Costello's longevity has been thanks to his many collaborations.

The scope of Elvis Costello's career is impressive, he is a real musical chameleon, and there are dozens of collaborations, songs and albums I could mention here. Costello's music includes everything from powerful ballads, music from the most popular movies, and even a collaborative recording with Iggy Pop.

The Iggy collaboration is the coolest thing I have heard in a long time (check out the EP La Face de Pendule à Coucou featuring Costello singing in French with Iggy, the chicest thing you are likely ever to hear).

Costello's epic love song She is probably one of my favourites until I realised it is a reworking of an old Roy Orbison song titled She. Be sure to listen to the two versions together. The ability to revisit older music makes Costello an exceptional artist. He understands music and musical traditions and reinvents them through his unique creative perspective. Incidentally, he also wrote an excellent song for Orbison called the Comedian's, and it is the pure essence of the Big O, beautifully sad, melancholy and beautiful.

Elvis Costello is probably one of my favourite performers; I could listen to his distinct vibrato and acoustic guitar without ever getting tired.

The Costello song at the top of my playlist lately is from his 1986 album King of America. While not written by Elvis Costello, I'll wear it proudly is a beautifully intimate love song that has been on repeat for a while.

I'll wear it proudly is about the desire and passion of a love affair, how love can turn our lives upside down, and how it makes us obsessive and crazy. He sings with a beautiful emotion in his voice, and I love the sentiment of how love can also turn us ultimately into fools.

I’ve put together a playlist over on Spotify of some of my favourite Elvis Costello songs, together with some of those mentioned in this post. Click on to have a little listen.

Some of Elvis Costello’s best songs

Why I frigging love this song: an introduction

American singer and songwriter Tom Petty once said that music is the closest thing we have to magic. I agree with him. Like its intimate friend poetry, music comes from the same magical place. They express the essence of human emotion and experience. Not only do they define what it is to be human, but music and words do it so thoroughly and succinctly that they create an immediate connection. How often have you listened to a song or read a book, taking you to a completely different place from where you are?

A song or a piece of music will immediately make you feel better. Listening to a favourite song will take you back to when you first heard it, to a childhood memory or any other part of your personal history. 

Songs and words created by great artists can connect to other people's hearts and memories, so the stories are no longer those of the writer or the musician. Like all other works of art, it has its own life. 

When an artist makes something new from nothing, that thing becomes like a new being; it is given an emotional soul and goes out into the world to become something for others who need it.

The true magic of a song is how honestly it speaks the truth behind thoughts and emotions. A song will put out into the universe will express something within us, and that expression becomes universal. Songs like poetry are personal expressions, but there is something special in sharing our inner turmoils and stories that make it easy for others to take those same emotions, identify with them and, in turn, make them their own.

One of my new year's resolutions was to listen to more music from different genres. I thought it would be a good idea to listen to an album every week from the Rolling Stone top 500 Albums of all time. I started listening and quickly realised the list was somewhat limited in its scope; I got bored quickly. And then I thought about how many other great albums aren't on that list. 

My rebel heart said, who made Rolling Stone the experts? How many outstanding records were rejected by big music companies in the past? So I found myself going back into my music tastes. Simply listening to songs I have come across randomly through the years. 

The songs that I have fallen in love with and still connect to me are better than any recommended listening list. I will occasionally look at the Rolling Stone list, but it's just something of a general guide, not my Bible.

So I'm going to be sharing my listening soundtrack. It's random, as most things are in life. I am sharing songs I love and telling you why they are so special to me. It's going to be self-indulgent. But I don't care. It's about sharing good art.

Because I am in love with words, the essential thing in a song is the lyrics, then comes the story, and finally, the emotion. The voice doesn't have to be perfect, but it's what it evokes in you. I have a weakness for singer-songwriters who can play a mean guitar, but that's just me. 

The songs that come back to me through the years have a special place in my heart; they soothe a hurt or say something of value. A good piece is like a good book or work of visual art; it speaks to you and makes you understand something about yourself or life in general.

Music and poetry, for me, are the things that help us get through life.

Let me know if you know the songs I will mention over the weeks. If you know of something else I should be listening to, leave me a comment.

Let's listen to some good music together. It will help us through this messy life we are living.

The stuff of cemeteries

When life becomes a thing of cold hard marble.

When your touch feels the chill

of placing your hand on a tomb.

Searching for warmth and another's touch

when nothing is left but the emptiness of absence.

That is when grief is in your heart.

The chill remains with you every day

I was lucky to have you,

hold you.

Be in your company because this moment is

ever so brief and precious.

You can never hold onto anything

just the love in our hearts

which echoes and reverberates through

bereaved souls.

When things become the stuff of cemeteries and funerals

when the touch of cold marble tombstones

are little consolation against the heat of fresh grief.

When death falls all around you

then that is the time to stop and breathe

hold onto the ones you love

it is impossible to say goodbye

so make memories

search out happiness and

follow what gives you the spark

which is life itself.

Five second book review: Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Memories of My Melancholy Whores

An ode to the solitary life, love, desire, sex and old age. This novella is what all writing should be, honest, astute, simple and visceral. It is about a man well into his twilight years who is unwilling to give up following the beauty he finds in life. The brothels of his town are where he has been able to express himself by exorcising his passions and holding onto the vitality of life.

It is honest and pathetic at times. Above all, it creates a magical, dream-like world beyond the frenetic world around the main character, who rejects everything but his solitude and lives inside his youthful passions, despite being well into his 90s. He continues to narrate his life in a mixture of memories, dreams, music and reflections on mortality in his distinct internal voice.

It doesn't make you exactly fall in love with the protagonist, a second rate journalist who doesn't know the meaning of love, but it is intriguing to follow him where his passions lead him, past everyday life and into his fantasies.

Don’t box me in

Except the unexpected

because I'm bursting with ideas

and I'm going to do it all.

So insanely talented,

yet terrified to do anything,

destined to be nothing

but a frustrated artist

too busy watching Youtube

scrolling Instagram and playing

Candy Crush,

brainwashed into wasting time.

Soul crushed by comparison.

Why bother trying when

is it all taken away from you in the end?

Reflections on Mother's Day from a bereaved mother

I’m not good with Mother’s Day. I don’t think anyone else who has lost a child ever can be a hundred percent happy with celebrating motherhood when they will always be missing their child. It’s an ache that never really leaves you sometimes, it’s a dull throbbing you can almost put up with, and you seem to get on with life for a while.

On other days the grief is so powerful that it squeezes your inner organs and makes the tears well up whether you want to or not, and you have to stop, acknowledge it, and let it all flow out. I thought I could open and close the tap, but if the water pressure builds up, your pipes will burst. Who knew grief could be described so aptly with a plumbing metaphor? Life is surprising.

Lately, the emotions snuck up on me in a pretty unique way. It will be 15 years since I lost my firstborn little girl, Estella Carmela Desiree. She was stillborn.

Estella got all tangled up with her umbilical cord. The doctor who performed my cesarean and untangled her said her long cord was wrapped three times around her neck, and as she turned around into the birthing position, her foot pulled at it, and she suffocated. It was a freak accident, like a child playing, hitting its head, and suddenly dying. I still can’t believe such a thing can happen in the womb. You’d think the womb is the safest place to be. I didn’t feel anything, and it would have been impossible to know. Even the doctor said to save a child, you’d have to be lucky enough to be monitoring him at the precise moment he is in distress, and even then, there would be no guarantee that you’d be able to save them in time.

I lost Estella at thirty-eight weeks, towards the end of my pregnancy, when everyone knew and was preparing for her arrival. I was expecting to hold her in my arms.

Instead, I woke up with a terrible sense of emptiness and longing that had never left me. I remember the pain of the operation, the nurse who made me stand up, the blood that ran down my leg, staining my slippers, and the sense that the whole pregnancy and suffering had been for nothing.

The ripple effect of Estella’s loss was felt collectively through my friends and family. They were all as heartbroken as I was. But you try to be brave. You wake up in the morning and try to function even though you are missing a part of yourself. I felt as if I’d lost my faith, my hope, a piece of my identity or soul. I felt so lost for the longest time. Even today, there is nothing worse for your self-worth than losing a child.

If grief has ever taught me anything, it is that it comes from love. The more deeply you love the thing or person you grieve, the deeper and more heartfelt your grief will be. Even though losing Estella felt like dying, I am comforted that my grief comes from a love I’d never experienced before. 

I have this theory about love; it’s something that you absolutely cannot control; you have to let it out of you, or else you’re going to burst a blood vessel. Love cannot be contained; it’s bigger than we are. That’s why people are said to be glowing when they fall in love. People do stupid things when they are in love because they don’t know how to express what they feel; it’s often overwhelming.

I find the love I have for Estella never really leaves me, whether you believe the child’s soul stays near or that she is somehow haunting me. I prefer to say she’s still in my mind, in my thoughts, and she manifests herself in one way or another. Her birth/death date is coming up on the fourteenth of May, so I know I’ll begin to feel emotional. I try to say a prayer, light a candle or visit her grave at the cemetery, something to commemorate her.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

The fact that the year my daughter was born (2007), the date of her birth coincided with Mother’s Day etched itself into my subconscious. So much so that on the morning of Mother’s Day this year (the eighth of May). The other day I woke up at five am after the strangest dream. I dreamt that my house had been robbed. 

Then the realization hit me. During the week, I’d been following the story of Denise Pipitone, who had disappeared at Mazara del Vallo in the province of Trapani nearly 20 years ago. Sympathizing with her mother, Piera Maggio, who still believes her daughter is alive. The press revisited the case after a Russian girl who had an uncanny resemblance to Denise was found. However, a DNA test confirmed she wasn’t Denise. I remember thinking that’s how I felt, as if my daughter had been stolen from me. An irrational part of me is still waiting, longing for her presence in my life. So the dream wasn’t about my house being robbed; it was about those emotions, the sensation I still have in the pit of my stomach that I’d been robbed of my daughter. 

The tears came welling up. I hadn’t cried for Estella for a while, so I must have needed to express my love for her once again. So I let them flow. It is so unfair to be denied your child, but there is nothing much you can do when something like this happens. The best thing is always to remember them, say their name, include them in conversations, in everyday family life, and talk about them with your friends. If you have pictures, keep them close; visit them if you have a gravesite. 

I have a particular little shrine in my house with photos of my grandparents and Dad. Estella is represented by a small glass vase of crystal flowers. I’m always speaking with Estella, and everything I write expresses my love for her. The grief therapist I saw after her loss said that I’d be fine because my writing would help me, and it does.

Mother’s Day is difficult because I lost Estella, but it is also tricky because of her little brother Matthias who was born two years after her. Because now I have to be a mother to him. I have to be brave for him; he cannot see me crying. I need to be present for him. We do speak of Estella, and he loves her very much. But he, too, is very much aware of her absence in our lives, and it is a void to fill.

It’s difficult for me to see so many expecting mothers on social media showing off their pregnant bellies. Don’t get me wrong, I love babies, and I’m always happy for other women having babies. But the sharing of intimate photos brings back so many memories of my trauma. I wish people would be more sensitive to others’ losses. One in four people has lost a child, whether it be through miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, SIDS, illness, or other terrible incidents that steal children from their mothers, fathers, and family.

When my son was born, I kept him to myself. I shared his photos only with friends and family because I didn’t want to trigger other people’s grief. I’d very rarely share anything personal about Matthias; even now that he is 12 years old, I still don’t put him on public display.

I’d say to anyone on social media that yes, your child is beautiful, unique, and loved, but this public forum is not the place to share. You can share little proud moments and snippets, but this isn’t what social media is about. It’s more about advertising, selling products and networking, not sharing personal things. I’d also debate if social media is not even the place to share opinions, but that’s another topic.

There’s no harm in wishing everyone a happy Mother’s Day, celebrating your mother, or sharing a newborn photo. It’s just about being aware of other people’s struggles. Those that feel the sadness in their hearts when they remember their pregnancies. And those who are still struggling in their motherhood journeys.

A celebrity will always push their brand or sell their photos for more followers or influence. Honestly, there is no need to publish your entire maternity photoshoot; you aren’t famous.

So please be gentle to mothers who are suffering, to those crying into their pillows in the early morning of Mother’s Day or on their angel child’s Birthday.

Please, be kind, empathetic and sensitive to others.

Taking a moment to grieve

It's been a tough week for me in Sicily. My mother in law has passed away after many years of illness.

My Sicilian family is grieving the loss of their matriarch, Nonna, Zia and mother.

Sending prayers to anyone else who has lost a family member at Christmas or Easter time it is tough to grieve when others are celebrating.

Needless to say I'll be disappearing from social media and blogging for a while out of respect for my family's loss.

Thank you for understanding.

See you soon

Here is a poem I'd like to share with you.

In loving memory of my dearest mother in law💙

Gone

The bride has gone to her groom

after years of suffering and doom

Her last breath left her body tonight

as she struggled through the last moments of life.

May she find peace and light

as the wailing grief of her children

floats upon the veil between us now.

Go sweet lady, mother and child

find those who are waiting for you

beyond this life and the next.

You are gone, but you are here

in our hearts, memories and minds.

Go with peace and light as we

weep, our hearts will be forever

heavier at your loss but it is

something we are destined to bare.

Go to your father and mother, they

have been waiting for so long.

There are so many there waiting for you, more than are here now.

She has gone to the home our restless souls seek, where all destinies end.

This is my prayer for you to the holy Maria della Stella on the days Jesus defeats death may he shine his light and guide Maria Stella to the heavens.